Download 5,000 Great One Liners by Grant Tucker PDF

By Grant Tucker

Whether advised within the rugby golf equipment of Wales or the gentlemen's golf equipment of London, their sharpness and ease unites us all. brief, candy and wickedly shrewdpermanent, they carry a different position within the annals of comedy, and because the upward push of Twitter heralds a resurrection of the artwork shape, there turns out no higher time to rejoice the immortal one-liner. during this booklet, supply Tucker does simply that, bringing jointly 5,000 of the funniest one-liners ever advised in a single definitive quantity. Laugh-out-loud humorous, 5,000 nice One-Liners has the entire quips, zingers, puns and wisecracks you are going to ever want – and an entire lot extra.

Show description

Read Online or Download 5,000 Great One Liners PDF

Similar british & irish books

Germany in the Eighteenth-Century: The Social Backgound of the Literary Revival

From the balls and masquerades of the courtroom to the half-naked young children of the peasants; from looking and wintry weather activities to info of authorship and publishing; from legislations to sanitation, this 1935 publication plunges the reader into existence in Germany 200 years in the past. the writer hyperlinks daily life and present traditions with a few of the awesome beneficial properties within the literature and regarded the age, therefore supplying an entire photograph of the political, financial and social historical past to the highbrow and inventive achievements of the interval.

Enacting History in Henry James: Narrative, Power, and Ethics

The Jamesian mode of writing, it's been claimed, actively works opposed to an realizing of how fact, background and tool stream in his texts. Enacting heritage in Henry James argues as a substitute that James' writing grants an experiential kind of wisdom, person who is attained by way of actively partaking within the strength video games and ethical dramas that spread in the textual content.

We (Modern Library Classics)

Translated through Natasha Randall Foreword by means of Bruce Sterling   Written in 1921, We is determined within the One country, the place all dwell for the collective reliable and person freedom doesn't exist. the radical takes the shape of the diary of mathematician D-503, who, to his surprise, stories the main disruptive emotion conceivable: love.

The Science of Religion in Britain, 1860-1915

Marjorie Wheeler-Barclay argues that, even supposing the life and value of the technology of faith has been slightly obvious to fashionable students of the Victorian interval, it used to be a topic of vigorous and broad debate between nineteenth-century readers and audiences. She indicates how an prior iteration of students in Victorian Britain tried to reach at a dispassionate knowing of the mental and social meanings of non secular ideals and practices―a subject no longer with out modern resonance in a time whilst such a lot of humans believe either empowered and threatened by means of spiritual passion―and offers the type of heritage she feels has been missed.

Additional info for 5,000 Great One Liners

Sample text

I’m so happy – I think I’ve found the one. It’s right beside the two on my keyboard. My mum cooked alphabetti spaghetti again. ’ Needless to say, she made me eat my words. When I masturbate in front of a mirror, I always wear a wig and lipstick… So it doesn’t get weird. Curry: the only food that comes out looking the same as it went in. How come Mario can smash through bricks, yet he dies when he touches a turtle? My mate’s never had much of an appetite. Yet today he ate a dozen Kinder Eggs whole.

How else would I know that my brother’s future wife is good enough for him? I think it’s time for me to start making my own decisions. Or maybe not. What do you think I should do? My wife said she was going to leave me if I didn’t stop being so sarcastic. ’ I should have known getting married was a mistake. After I said ‘I do’, the vicar looked at her and then asked me if that was my final answer. ’ The judge has got a stutter, so it doesn’t look like I’m getting a sentence. I’m so good at sleep, I can do it with my eyes closed.

I needed to measure my waist, but I couldn’t find the tape measure anywhere. In the end I just shoved a ruler up my arse and multiplied it by pi. According to Einstein, E = MC2. For me, E = a great night out. ’ He said, ‘That’s amazing! ’ The wife said she’s sick of me ‘always being right’. So I left. People who confuse the metaphorical and the factual make my head literally explode. My mate just got sacked from his quality control job at the match factory. He was standing at the production line going, ‘This one works … and this one … and this one…’ A conspiracy theorist walks into a bar… Or so the government would have us believe.

Download PDF sample

Rated 4.50 of 5 – based on 31 votes